What emotions were under the anger and resentment I felt?

 Yesterday I was terribly upset about one of the video clips that was displayed on one of the whatsapp groups (saamkuier) that I am a part of. It is a graphically portrayal of how a person attacks and in a sense, force feed an elderly white lady that is in a wheelchair. I just said, "I do not like it" on the group. I should have written, "I hate it and I do not want to see things like this".  There were comments for acceptance and tolerance of differences of opinion on this matter on the group.

I had to dig deep to uncover the emotions that I felt in the process and to go past the feeling of anger that was the first one that came to the surface. My first reaction was just to say," I am out of here" (meaning I am leaving the group), which (probably) is not the route to take without expressing myself properly.

What disturbed me so much and what were the emotions underlying it?

The first aspect is that in my opinion that particular post does not serve the Kingdom or the group or me. I question the truth or at least the accuracy of the clip. It is assumed that it is in South Africa, but listening to the accents, I doubt that very much. For me this is in the category of gossip at best or plain sharing of untruths or then telling of lies. That (sharing gossip or telling lies) we should not do as Christians. Even if this is the truth there is little value for the Kingdom. 

I was very upset as the repost definitely did not serve to protect the dignity of the person concerned. She was assaulted and thrown on the floor and the editor of the clip decided to block certain portions of the picture. Her face though was shown at the beginning of the clip. This is not bullying, this is assault. We do not know the context of the clip; we do not know if this was not part of a film. We do not know where it is or where it was recorded. It sure looks truthful! 

If we assume that it is the truth and furthermore that it is in South Africa, there is now an onus on me having seen this to make sure that justice is done. To be able to do this I need to open a criminal case against the person in the video. True love is making sure that God's justice prevails. How do I do that in this case? Again, this creates the feeling of helplessness in me. How do I do it?

Of course, I need (I want) to pray for protection for the elderly not only in our country, but also in the rest of the world. There are many other prayers of protection that I should also pray and continue to pray. I must pray for people who were raped, for children who were or are abused, for women (or men) who are verbally assaulted, for whistle blowers who are threatened or killed. This does not mean that I am going to post a clip of a person that is being raped on a group of fellow Christians to motivate them to pray for the victims of rape.

The clip of the helpless old woman has made a huge imprint on my spirit and soul. I felt the pain of the person who was assaulted. My mother has passed away a number of years ago, but I am shuddering to think that it could have been a picture of her on a given day. My father would never have allowed that. He was there all the way in the bed next to hers till the night she passed away, but that is a story for another day.

My feeling around this post: I feel deeply troubled and even traumatised. I do not want to see it in a group where I want to build people and where I want to receive messages that will build and strengthen me.

I am happy to watch this type of input if I am in a group where we are seeking to give justice to victims. I am not in a group like that.

Bottom line: I do not want to be exposed to these kinds of clips. I have two choices: I could leave the group (then I will not be exposed) or the group could clarify the "rules" for acceptable posting. I do not believe that it was an acceptable post.